Why Am I Still Single? – Hannah Witton

It s that time of year again. The Christmas decorations are down and the love hearts and roses have taken over. There is a section in every shop and sometimes the whole shop that is dedicated to Valentine s Day and love and relationships and ew gross. To be honest, I really couldn t care less about Valentine s Day, the 14th February is just that the 14th February. I m all for celebrating love but I don t see the point in forcing it. There are probably loads of think pieces out there about Valentine s Day so I m not here to talk about that go read those if you want to get angry about consumerism and capitalism. I m here to talk about my singledom.

It is now coming up to my 5th year anniversary of being single and it s just hit me that that is A LOT OF YEARS. I didn t really think it had been that long just a year, then a couple years, then a few years and now FIVE YEARS. Not that I m complaining, I am in fact a very happy single person I m just curious.

Why Am I Still Single? – Hannah Witton

I broke up with my last serious boyfriend in April 2011 on a bench in Paris (romantic right?). Don t worry, I know he survived the heartbreak because he s actually married now (found out on Facebook). Since April 2011, I have not had another serious boyfriend/partner. Yes I ve dated people, yes I ve slept with people, yes I ve really really really liked a couple people and yes I ve had my heart broken but nothing has lasted more than 2 months in the last 5 years. And I m going to figure out why.

I ve had a good think and I ve come up with 5 reasons as to why I m still single

I am a commitment-phobe

Right after the break up I was scared of any kind of commitment. I was 19 years old and about to start university I wanted to experience everything! But it wasn t even as logical as that, I genuinely got scared. In the first year after the break up I dated a bunch of people and the moment it felt like it was about to get serious I ran away. Sometimes literally. After that terrifying year I calmed down a bit and felt more relaxed about the idea of meeting someone I would want to commit to. Even though I still haven t managed it, I ve definitely put myself out there much more and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I think now I m only scared of commitment because I m not used to it, I m completely out of practice. How does a relationship work?

I am fickle

This is probably my worst trait when it comes to dating. I am so fickle. I get bored easily. I need to be constantly entertained and surprised. I also fall for people really quickly and my emotions are (usually) monogamous so when I start to fancy someone new, those feelings replace the ones I had for whoever I was dating (sorry). I like the unpredictability and spontaneity of my love life. I go on a lot of first dates.

If we just text for ages after I ll get bored and move on. Sorry not sorry to all the people I ve ghosted.

I am fussy

Oh boy do I have standards. One of the reasons I came out of my commitment-phobe stage was because I said I d be happy to commit if the right person came along. And I ve refused to settle for anything less than perfect. My friend s will tell you that I have a type and if you look at a line up of photos of all the people I ve dated you d see that they are right. There s just a certain look/style that I m drawn to. But that s not enough: they need to be a feminist but I d rather not have to talk about it; they need to be ambitious; they need to be intellectual and intelligent; they need to be adventurous; they need to not take themselves too seriously; and they need to be a whole bunch of other things. And sometimes someone is all of these things but I m just not feeling it you know? I ve been told by my friends many times that I should give people more of a chance to get to know them.

And even though that is a lovely idea and I should probably do it I m also really impatient and just want to move on to whatever s next.

I m set in my ways

Being single for 5 years is a great way to get to know yourself. I have discovered so much about myself, my body and my sexuality these past 5 years and it has been wonderful. It s been a very formative 5 years moving out of my parents house and to university and then finishing university and moving to London. Lots of chances to figure out who I am and what s important to me. I also know how I like to spend my time which is working, seeing friends, doing leisure activities and travelling. I have my own life and the idea of bringing someone else into it and having to share my time, compromise and make sacrifices doesn t sound all that appealing to me. I like to go to the cinema by myself in the middle of the day and I just go and I don t tell anyone. If I had a boyfriend they might get upset that I didn t tell them I was going or they might have wanted to see that film with me which would have meant we d have to organise a time and place when we could both go which in my opinion is not worth the hassle. It s the cinema, you re going to be sitting in the dark in silence for 2 hours anyway.

I m a hopeless romantic

Despite all this I am a complete softie. I have fantasies about grand gestures of love; of moving across the world to be with someone because that s so romantic; of kissing someone passionately after having an argument with them. I m definitely a victim of Hollywood love stories. But then to make things even more complicated, even though I fantasise about these things happening when anyone is actually romantic towards me in real life I pretend to gag and vomit because I find those situations really uncomfortable. So there you have it.

You ve properly gotten a look at the inner workings of my head or heart. Maybe 2016 will be the year I find love ? But as you ve seen I don t think the odds are in my favour. Are you single or in a relationship? How do you feel about Valentine s Day?

Let me know in the comments.

Why Am I Still Single? – Hannah Witton

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